Rants, Suburban, Teacher

Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be assholes.

Like the rest of the world, the folks in my small Canadian community watched the court proceedings of the two boys charged with raping a classmate in Steubenville, Ohio with shocked dismay and horror. It was easy to look at those boys in Steubenville and say, “Oh, they’re different from us. They were small town football heroes, protected by their community.”

March 13, 2013, Facebook post by Rehtaeh Parsons. Less than month before she committed suicide.
March 13, 2013, Facebook post by Rehtaeh Parsons. Less than month before she committed suicide.

“That is so awful,” we said.

“Those kids are being raised with absolutely no morals or values,” many said smugly.

“I am so glad I am not raising kids in the states,” some said. “Thank God those things don’t happen here.”

Then today’s paper arrived and smacked that smug look right off our faces.

The headline screamed, “Who failed Rehtaeh Parsons?”

Rehtaeh Parsons was a 17-year-old girl from Cole Harbour, Nova Scotia.

On Sunday night, Rehtaeh died after trying to commit suicide earlier that week.

A year and half ago, she had been raped by four boys. The rape was photographed and shared on the internet. Rehtaeh was shunned by her classmates and eventually changed schools.

Even after Rehtaeh switched schools the bullying continued. She received texts from boys asking her if she wanted to have sex and texts from girls calling her a slut.

Rehtaeh told her parents what happened a few days after the rape occurred. They immediately went to the police. Rehtaeh’s mother said the investigation took over a year and the boys themselves weren’t interviewed until long after the rape occurred. After a year of investigating, the RCMP said there was insufficient evidence to lay charges.

Could someone please tell me what the hell is going on???

What possesses a teenage boy to rape his classmate while his friends look on and join in like it’s some sort of bizarre drinking game?

What possesses a child (and I say “child” because these kids were children) to take a picture of this crime and post it on the internet for the world to see?

What possesses a teenage girl to send hateful text messages to someone who has already been victimized many times over instead of helping her?

Where was the empathy? Where was the sympathy? Where was the compassion?

Where were the adults???

It sounds like Rehtaeh’s parents were doing everything they could to help their daughter. What about the parents of the other children?

Don’t tell me people didn’t know. Cole Harbour is a small community. Everyone knew.

What did the parents of these boys do when they were told what their children had ‘allegedly’ done? There was photographic evidence for godsake! Did these boys go to counseling? What did their parents say or do to let their children know that what they did was wrong?

Did Mom and Dad stick their heads in the sand and say, “Not my boy. I know, I know. You have a picture of him doing this awful thing but it must have been her fault. My boy wouldn’t do that.”

And what about the parents of the kids who tormented Rehtaeh on Facebook and through text messages? Did they take away their children’s computers? Their phones? Were these children counseled on how their actions made another human being feel?

The scariest thing about all of this is that these kids who raped, bullied, and tortured Rehtaeh didn’t think of her as a human being. They dehumanized her, so that they could treat her the way they did. This is how bullying happens. It’s how genocide starts. It’s how the Holocaust occurred. If you don’t think someone is a person, worthy of your respect, then you don’t care what happens to them.

In her book “Just because it’s not wrong, doesn’t make it right” parenting expert, Barbara Coloroso talks about how we need to be raising compassionate, caring, empathetic children.

I know there are no quick fixes or easy answers. Nor is it possible to pour into our children all we have learned. Their learning must come from the inside out. They need opportunities to care and to share and to do. They need to be accountable for what they do or fail to do. They also need opportunities to reflect on moral issues, work through ethical dilemmas, and determine for themselves what kind of people they would like to become.

For godsake people. A child is dead. How many more children have to die before we start doing our jobs?

http://www.kidsareworthit.com/uploads/ethics_handout.pdf

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50 thoughts on “Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be assholes.”

  1. Reblogged this on Year 'Round Thanksgiving Project and commented:
    I’m tired of “rape culture” – it is permeating our society – but this blog speaks so well of what I wish I was literate enough to verbalize. It is time we all took a stand in each of our small (and large) communities. Rape, Bullying, Abuse, Violence – they all must end today. What are you doing to make a difference?

  2. Yes! Yes! Yes! Everything you just said…yes. It scares the life out of me to be raising two young girls right now. I was a victim of sexual assault in my 20s (1994) and recovery was hell, but I stand strong today, a survivor. But what we are devolving into, this culture, I just fear so much about it. I have been wrestling with options about where to send my daughter for kindergarten next year, as I’m not really a fan of what public school has become here in New York State. There have been times I’m accused of “over thinking” it or being too protective of my daughter. You’re dn right, I am. And every new story I hear pushes me further and further away from wanting her in mainstream educational settings where these are the formative social experiences. Over protective? You bet. It seems the only way our kids have a chance of surviving their childhood. Hideous, just hideous. Thanks for your post.

    1. I’m so sorry for what you went through, but thank goodness for women like you who are strong, fighters, refusing to give up and let their fear and pain win. I’m glad that you’re a protective mother, and have the smarts to question where your little girl goes to school, rather than just throw her into a classroom somewhere and hope for the best. There need to be more mothers like you.

    2. Congratulations Corinne!
      I’m in Brazil and an American girl was raped here, by three men.
      I’m very very shy about it. Is this the message we want to send to world? Brazilian people rape the tourists?
      You are definitely a survivor, and an example to your daugthers, to women and for the world.
      Keep on going and taking care of your daughters, they’ll thank you a lot in the future!

    3. Corrine, Don’t ever worry about caring too much for your daughter. You’re a survivor and that strength will shine through. Find a school that suits you and your child and don’t worry about what anyone else says.
      Yes, this culture of “rape for fun” scares the hell out of me. What we are doing with bullying awareness isn’t working. I think we need to rethink our whole approach with young people. We have to look at it from where they are sitting…a world with free porn, instant gratification and yet same undeveloped minds and value systems that kids have always had. How do we work with that, is the question.

    4. I too am a rape survivor…an incest survivor who went through years of repeated rapes and beatings. It’s been 28 years since it stopped and recently I was still triggered by a picture my rapist monster/tormentor posted on facebook for the world to see. 😦

      As for being “over protective” sadly I know many children who are screwed up to do over protective parents who were terrified as well. Sadly, even in private expensive schools, there are rapists and bullies. Rapist, just as victims, are from all walks of life.

      1. I meant to say, I know many adults who are had very over protective parents, who are screwed up as a result of that over protectiveness. I also know many who openly admit they went overboard when they got the chance as teens because of that over protectiveness. I hope there is some “safe” middle ground.

      2. True. Barbara Coloroso talks about brick wall and jellyfish parents – neither of whom is effective in raising responsible, independent adults. However, I also know of very loving, involved parents who have done everything right and it still doesn’t help. Children have minds of their own and will forge their own paths. That’s when society has to step in and say, ‘that’s unacceptable’. It takes a village.

  3. When I was a kid our morals would not allow anyone committing such acts against a woman/girl to be included in our circles. There were people we made it obvious –that we thought were criminals and as such were excluded by the vast majority of students. These were issues where there were witness’s but the police did nothing. It seems that Police have not changed over the decades, it is much easier to sit back and say that you have done an investigation and there is not enough evidence to proceed. This was in evidence even when my wife and I were having our lives threatened with death from my brother. The RCMP did nothing for a few years. Meanwhile we were left having to sleep with a shotgun in the bedroom every night. When on the farm we had to have a rifle or shotgun and ammunition with us in a truck. It was finally dealt with when my wife’s sister who was a Police Officer called the head of the RCMP Vancouver Island detachment. She identified herself and said — My sister and her husband ———- after that we received a call from the local detachments staff sergeant he told us that our phone number was red flagged and they were on the case. After that it went as far –that we received a few calls after 8pm from the Provincial Crown Prosecutor telling us he had issued an immediate arrest arrant for my brother us he had a machete in hand when he threatened to cut his neighbours head off. He also told us that my brother had run his bike into two pedestrians when they spoke to him he waved that machete at them. The Prosecutor told us they thought my brother was on the way to our home on the farm. Sadly/Gladly my brother died of pancreatic cancer a week before 9-11.
    One RCMP officer when here dealing with my brother after I told the five RCMP officers that he had terminal cancer and had nothing to lose —so be vary careful dealing with him. Five guns came out as they approached the building he was in.

    So it takes a lot for Police to deal with many of these issues. I wish our Liberal Policing would change here in Canada. We need more Cops that can deal with someone –basically read them the riot act. I remember a Police Officer in the sixties in Vancouver BC rapping me with his stick. It was a small bat made out of superball material and did that touch –hurt. Made me never want to deal with the coppers from the wrong side of the law.

    So what happened to students morals they all should be ashamed. In our day all of them ( the people that look at these rape pics) would be ostercized. Girls would break up with them others would not talk to them -forever.
    Kids these days should be ashamed.
    Regards
    Terry

  4. I have a 12 yo son. As a father, one of my duties is to make sure he never, ever, thinks this kind of behaviour is anything less than abominable. RIP.

    1. Thank you for being a responsible parent. I have a 12 year old son, and I have also taught him from birth that rape and bullying are wrong. He knows that if a woman cannot say “yes,” the answer is “no.” He also knows that “she asked for it” is BS. I am proud to say that as one of the larger boys in his school, he uses his size to defend others. He never uses physical force. All he has to do is confront a bully and say, “Leave MY FRIEND alone…or deal with ME.” He never had to “make good” on that, and a lot of the bullying in his middle school stopped. Both boy and girl bullies in his school respect “The Terminator.” He’s an example of how one kid can change groupthink.

  5. Thank you for this post. Your opening paragraphs of shock and smugness described me to the letter. I am raising two boys (4 and 1 month) and one girl (2 years) and I am terrified of what I see in the world. I want my daughter to be safe, I am expect my boys to never treat anyone remotely like this.

  6. Did Mom and Dad stick their heads in the sand and say, “Not my boy. I know, I know. You have a picture of him doing this awful thing but it must have been her fault. My boy wouldn’t do that.”

    Yes. That is exactly what happened. I can’t count the times when a parent of a child who landed in my office (by way of the courts) and told me with conviction that their child DID. NOT. COMMIT. the crime. In no uncertain terms was I told that their child was innocent. That it was the bad influence of the other youth that they were with. Regardless if that young person was caught with stolen material, or there were multiple witnesses, including the victim, to the assault, the parents refused to believe that their child could be anything but perfect.

    We need to raise our children not as friends, but as children that need to be guided through life. We can’t rely on teachers at school to instill the morals that we should be instilling in them. We cannot be “permissive parents” (as a friend of mine calls herself, who can’t get her child to do anything. We have to set boundaries. We have to follow-through with consequences. We have to teach what’s right from wrong. Yes, we have to back up our kids, but when we know they’ve done something wrong, we need to help them make reparations.

    Youth do not fully understand the long-term consequences of their actions – they are cognitively incapable of doing so until their early twenties as their brains continue to develop. So, even though they are presenting as though they are adults, they most certainly are not. As parents we need to monitor their on-line activity – if they are engaging in bullying, we need to call them out on it. We need to teach them empathy and compassion. And we need to start when they’re very young.

      1. I think so too. My friend really struggles in getting her daughter to be accountable for her actions and to follow through with anything – especially with chores. The mother even goes so far as to say that her daughter can’t “handle” chores because she’s only 12, but in the next breath she complains that she has to shoulder all of the work at home. I’m not sure what’s so difficult about clearing away dinner dishes and putting them in the dishwasher. So… my question to her is, if she can’t get her daughter to understand the importance of helping her family now and what it means to have an important role in the team and how actions affect those we care about… what will she be like when she’s 15?

      2. To me, 12 is waaaaay to late to start asking kids to do chores. My kids have had responsibilites around the house from the time they could walk. Many of my friends thought/think I was/am too strict and that I expect too much from them. They have called me “lazy” for having my boys do their own laundry, clean up their own playroom and bedrooms, and generally do whatever chore is asked of them. I just smile and say, yup, that’s me. Lazy to the core. Oh and my kids? They are responsible, kind, smart, generous human beings. God I’m a bad mother.

    1. Hi Maggie, I also work with youth sentenced by the courts, and couldn’t agree more. If I hear negative peers as an explanation for criminal, immoral and general poor behaviour once more! grrr… Do you job parents.

      1. Have you noticed that the parents only seem to be involved when it’s a low-level crime (usually theft under or mischief under) as opposed to the more serious crime that involves weapons, drugs and attempted murder? So there are 2 types of parents at play – one who denies their child could do anything wrong and one that just denies their child. As a society we are failing our children.

      2. So true, Maggie. I feel badly for those children whose parents do nothing for them and those whose parents do everything for them. Neither one will win in the end. What can we do to support parents though?

  7. Powerful words my friend. This brought years to my eyes I am so ashamed of the world we live in and the excuses that have been made for others. I will not stand by I will stand up to bullying is what I will teach my child. Thank you and seriously Barbara Coloroso is a god send she will work miracles the more parent use her parenting insight and love

  8. Thank you for your post. These events are truly shocking on all counts. First the rape which is bad enough and then the incessant bullying via social media which is causing our young people to take their own lives. It has to stop. There needs to be anti-bullying laws and repercussions for anyone who participate in it and parents have to teach their children somehow to have morals… I too am terrified for the kind of world my grand-daughters have to grow up in.

  9. I agree with a lot of what you said, but I think doing things like asking where the adults were and other similar questions doesn’t really address reality. The reality is that adults often commit these very same acts and play a huge role in shaming victims. Adults are not some group of all-seeing wise people, adults/parents behave in ways that many teens could barely dream of. This is just scapegoating. Sexual assault is still massively unreported (an estimate of up to 78% go unreported) and those that are reported, depending on the statistics, suggest anywhere from 1 out of 4 to 3 out of 4 women will be the victims of sexual assault in their life time. Many at the hands of people they know and trust. But what isn’t talked about is if the stats are so high for women, what does that say about the percentage of rapists walking free? If this many women have had this happen, what does that say about the number of rapists out there? We can turn rapists into the faceless boogieman hiding in the shadows who can never be someone we know, someone we trust…but that isnt’ the case. An overwhelming number of rapes are committed by people we know, love and trust. The unfortunate thing is that rape is one of those things that society claims to “condemn” outwardly, and yet when it happens so often we can’t really claim that this isn’t a widespread social problem that occurs at all levels (children, teenagers, adults) and which so many “outstanding citizens” often approve of in the way they respond to reported rapes (the shaming that went on in Steubenville, people releasing “rape prevention” tips telling women not to drink alcohol or basically ever leave their houses). Police and courts still do little to charge rapists or to help victims. This is systemic, beyond parents (and tbh parents can have very little sway over teenagers’ actions. It’s society, the government, court systems, police, the media/representation that needs a massive, massive wake up call to accountability. Just look at the Toronto Star’s recent publication shaming a 19 year old male sexual assault victim in Toronto who was gang raped by 4 women. He had the courage to report it and instead the media laughed at him.

    This is bigger than parents and adults vs teens. This is about society as a whole and what living in and perpetuating a rape culture really means. Until all that changes this is how things will continue to be. All we can do is continue to give survivors the support they need and raise community awareness rather than shaming people. We’re at time where at least sexual assault is being reported more than it used to be (giving the illusion that it “happens more now”/”kids these days” when it has always been this way), but we need to take that and turn it around to force the system itself to start respecting victims rather than rapists (apparently ruining “young boys lives” by charging them with a sexual assault is worse than supporting victims). Shaming needs to be called out wherever it happens.

    1. I totally agree with what you are saying. We have to change a culture that now sees “rape” as a live pornographic movie. I do think parents have an important role to play. We need to stop being our children’s friend and start doing our jobs. Maybe then the culture will change.

    2. th, thanks for such a wonderful post.

      Another thing to note, yes sometimes kids turn out “bad” even with good parents. But by and far, most of the “bad” kids, kids who would not care about others to the point of becoming rapists, where not raised by stellar parents. So those asking where the parents were, is kind of pointless. We all know many adults who are awful parents.

  10. What about the parents who owned the home where the Rehtaeh was raped? Where were they? They allow their children to have a party where alcohol is being consumed by minors, and don’t supervise appropriately? What kind of parenting is that? Or if they were unaware there was a party in their home, they trust their teen enough to leave them at home unsupervised? As parents, (and I am one), they should be erring on the side of caution at all times until their teen has PROVED that they are trustworthy in these situations, not once, buy many times. If they allowed the party to happen, and knew about it, and didn’t supervise appropriately, then as far as I am concerned, they should be charged too – they were the responsible adults (NOT!!!).

  11. I recently found this documentary on a friends facebook page. I feel the porn industry needs to be held accountable too. The video is long, and disturbing but until we face uncomfortable truths about our society we cannot change them.

    How Porn Creates the John: Porn, Trafficking and the Social Construction of Masculinity”

    1. Thanks for the link. I recently heard an interview about teaching porn literacy. Kids (and some adults) today think that sex should be like a porn movie. Sadly, porn is out there for kids to see any time they want. If they think that is what a healthy relationship looks like, no wonder they think it’s OK to gang rape a girl.

  12. You just feel ill reading this. Not that it shouldn’t be written but that it records such horrific events. I have three daughters and I cannot imagine how I would feel if something like this happened to them. Poor poor girl and her family. As for the boys and the female taunters. It is amazing how de-humanised some people have become in the midst of our ‘civilised’ society.

  13. This story really shook me. It’s another example of blaming the victim instead of holding the criminal(s) responsible. I agree with TH that we should be respecting victims rather than protecting the rapists. We should not hesitate to charge anybody with sexual assault once they commit it. Justice, respect and support for the victims should come first.

  14. At the end of the day, what actions can we take? No we can’t change a culture single-handed, but we can: be models (e.g., socialize and drink alcohol responsibly, interact with partners respectfully, read and view to appreciate beauty, avoid thrill seeking – down with Shades of Grey, Jerry Springer, etc.). Adults need to examine their actions and improve their own character. We need to be a community. We need to be on the same team. Our bullying initiatives are like everything else we have relinquished to the school system. It seems like the past 5 decades have seen a steady trend to focus on producing children with ideal characters. How about we take the reigns and improve our personal character? How about we talk to each other? How about we stop reading and watching crap? How about we eat well and exercise? How about we quit smoking, abusing alcohol and drugs? How about we resist instant gratification? How about we make commitments and keep them? How about we live ethically? So, at the end of the day, in response to this tragedy, I have to reexamine my own life. Basically, I think the advice has to extend to: mamas and papas, don’t be assholes!

  15. I agree with the title of your blog and most certainly plan on raising my sons to have higher morals and respect for all other beings. My question is though, is why is the word rape being thrown around before ANYONE other than those who were there knows the facts and details. Yes, she was 15, so were the boys. Yes she was drunk, so were the boys. SO what happens if it comes out that she had offered herself to them??? I don’t know the scenario, you don’t know the scenario, in fact the only ones that do truly know are the five people involved, one of which is no longer here. I have been to enough parties where people get very drunk and become very open in their sexuality. Where girls who are regular, smart people decided (without any encouragement from others ) that they were going to let loose and be “wild” that night. Like I said I don’t know what happened that night, but until the facts are all out I think it is unjustifiable to label anyone with a title so strong as “rapist”. True, it is against the law to take pics of anyone under 18 (in fact some have been charged with child porn for pictures they have taken of themselves and put online), and there needs to be action taken on that for sure. But so far that is the only thing that is 100% proven. It is a horrible tragedy that this girl felt like she had nothing to live for, but will be even more of a tragedy if four more lives are completely destroyed before all the facts come out.

    1. I am concerned that you say you plan to raise your sons to have higher morals and respect for all other beings and then in the same breath say that it was OK for four boys to have so called ‘consensual’ sex with a drunk girl, take pictures of themselves having sex with said drunk girl, and then send these pictures to their respective classmates the next day when sober thought should have prevailed. The photo has been described as showing her vomiting while one of the boys grins for the camera while having sex with her.
      I don’t know about you, but I am not usually ‘in the mood’ when I am vomiting. Yes, the boys were young and drunk as well, but we have to explain what “consent” means to people.
      If you are drunk, you cannot give consent. It’s not my opinion, it’s the law. We need to tell our kids: Don’t have sex with drunk girls (or boys). Don’t have sex with someone who is throwing up while are having sex with them (duh…and gross). If you want to raise sons with high morals and values, I would start with that.
      According to her mother and her father and her friends, Rehtaeh felt she had nothing to live for because people didn’t believe her. The boys have had their turn at people believing them, now it’s her turn. Too bad she wasn’t here to see it.

  16. I am not sure about the law stating that if you are drunk you can not consent to having sex, because if that were the case there would likely be several people leaving downtown each weekend that could claim rape. I think it is horrendous for the victims of rape to have this title attached so easily. As for raising my children with higher morals and respect for others I will try my hardest. I myself have never partaken in sexual activities that I would consider out of the norm. As well, I was one of the only ones I knew growing up that waited until I was an adult to even lose my virginity…because that was important to me. However, we do live in a world where our children view sex very differently than they did in my teenagehood. We live in a world where 12 and 13 year old girls are part of “groups” that collect status based on how many guys they can give head to in a weekend. It is horrible, but it isn’t rape. As for the photo of her vomitting, maybe that was at the end? Maybe that was when everyone finally said, okay lets stop. Maybe she said at that moment to stop. WE DON’T KNOW. These boys were 15 as well, these boys were intoxicated as well. So, “if” (because again I do not know the facts) she was a willing and offering participant but because she was drunk cannot conscent, then does it mean in the same regard if the boys were drunk that they cannot be accountable for their actions???? That seems to be a double edged sword to me. As for raising my kids, I pray that I am able to raise my daughters to have high self esteem and good judgement and that I can raise my boys to know that even if a girl were to offer herself that on a moral ground it is not okay. Unfortunately people, young and old have forgotten that sex is about love, not lust. I want to restate that I do not know what happened that night. If in fact these boys purposely set out to take advantage of her than I am sure the law will see to their punishment. My main point being to paint someone with the brush of being a “rapist” even when the evidence has not been all put out there for our knowledge is every bit the “bullying” we are all trying to stop??? Bullying is not okay period….but it seems to be kind of a double standard in this case. Personally I will wait for all the facts to come in and possible for there to be a courtcase before I attached such a horrible accusation to another human being. Because if it turns out they are not guilty of rape, then a horrendous crime has occured in labelling them with such a crime.

    1. Yes, it appears my grasp of the legalities of the situation are based on mix of “law and order” and “the good wife”. Thanks to a lawyer friend for clearing that up for me.
      If these boys are truly innocent then they and their parents should meet with a lawyer and clear everything up. By staying silent (except to torment Rehtaeh) they have painted themselves into a very ugly corner. Her name has been dragged through the mud and she wasn’t strong enough to keep fighting. The boys, whether they are rapists or just digusting bullies, need to step up and take responsibility. Only then will justice be served.
      p.s. And their lives would not be “ruined”. Rehtaeh’s live was ruined. Their lives would be disrupted with consequences.

      1. It is horrible that whatever it was that pushed a young girl to end her own life ever happened, it is a loss that will never be filled in the hearts of her family and friends. But I will definately assure you, knowing three boys I grew up with that were accused of raping a teenage girl at a party, who part way through the trial confessed that it was not rape at all, she just didn’t want her parents to know what she chose to do that night, that indeed their lives were ruined. Because you see, even after they were found innocent by both the court and the victim herself, the stigma of being called a rapist never went away. They could not get the jobs they applied for, they were still looked at as criminals. Society is pretty quick to judge someone as guilty, not so quick to remember once they have been found innocent. It was terrible for all involved. As for the bullying, absolutely they should be held accountable, but so should every single student, teacher or parent who happened to view that picture. Moreso the adults as their brains are developed enough to truly see the whole picture. Like I said, once the facts are out it will show what happened. I am not saying the boys are not guilty, I am saying it is not fair to crucify them before the evidence is all out.

      2. No one is crucifying these boys. They haven’t been identified (yet). Rehtaeh, on the other hand, has been identified and her reputation has been dragged through the mud and back. At least these boys have been called ‘alleged rapists’. They did not offer her the same courtesy. She has been called a liar and a slut…not an ‘alleged’ liar and ‘slut’. Even death hasn’t spared her the torture these boys have given her since the night of the ‘alleged’ rape.

      3. I agree. I have to wonder if “truthseeker” is connected to these boys in some way. The comments they left have been rubbing me the wrong way ever since I read them.

  17. Actually, although the papers have used the term “alleged” rapists, you have repeatedly called them out and out rapists…that is my problem…actually not just mine, the law states until a person is found guilty the termed “alleged” must be used. Any how, Bren, you may think whatever you like. I have not lived here for long so the chance of me even recognizing a name of these boys is slim to none. I just know from experiencing watching 3 boys that I grew up with lose any chance they had at a “normal” life that things aren’t always what they seem. It’s so interesting when one of those three ended up killing HIMSELF after years of being still condemened with a label he never deserved, that no one came to his defense. You are right, one life has been destroyed. Wouldn’t it be a shame IF it were discovered that indeed it was not rape and yet these boys lives would forever have that label on it. I have daughters AND sons, and just as I would like my girls to live in a world that they can feel safe and know that if they were harmed the law would seek justice, I would like to also think that my sons can live in a world that seeks truth for both men and women rather than a world filled with “lynch mobs” that would rather assume guilt than find out whether or not that is the truth. Your comments too, Bren, rub me totally the wrong way.

    1. Truthseeker – did you read Myrna Gillis’ comments? She gives a nice, unbiased, unemotional view.
      I think things have gotten out of control because this issue was not dealt with properly when it happened. Hopefully things will be cleared up soon. If the boys are innocent, they need to cooperate. Putting up signs saying, “Support our boys” only serves to piss people off. The “boys” are not going off to war, they are not heading off to a national debating championship, they are basically calling a dead girl a lying slut after they trashed her repuation by sending around an unwanted sexually explicit picture of her. Rapists or not, their behaviour was reprehensible and possibly illegal (distribution of child pornography). Fingers crossed that our justice system moves a little quicker this time around thanks to the pressure from concerned citizens.

    2. I will not be posting anymore of your comments on my page, TS. Thank you for sharing your views but if you want to continue to put forth your “support our boys” viewpoint, you should start your own blog. Fair? Not fair? Doesn’t matter. My blog, my rules.

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