Rants, Teacher

Dear Mr. Lapierre, VP of the NRA – I’m a teacher…so, where’s my gun?

A fourth grade teacher receives firearms training in West Valley City, Utah. (Rick Bowmer/Associated Press)
A fourth grade teacher receives firearms training in West Valley City, Utah. (Rick Bowmer/Associated Press)

Hi, Wayne…may I call you Wayne? You don’t know me, but I’m a teacher. And I gotta tell you, you’re starting to scare me.I know you have the best of intentions. Like all of us, you don’t want to see anymore children killed because some lunatic with a gun was able to get into a school and go on a rampage. So far, I’m with you. And I even agree that some schools would benefit from having a trained police officer in their school. Some of the high schools in my area have one and it’s great. They offer all kinds of services besides standing armed guard.

Where you lose me is when you suggest that perhaps school personnel ought to be armed.

When I was a kid, my father hunted and he kept two shotguns on the floor of his bedroom closet. My brother and I knew they were there and we also knew where he kept the ammunition (in his sock drawer). We also knew that if we went anywhere near the guns, we wouldn’t be able to sit down for a week. And so we didn’t. To be honest, they scared me to death. My dad tried to teach me how to shoot. The first (and only) time I fired off a gun, I just missed hitting one of my grandparent’s cows.

So seriously, Wayne, no one wants to see me with a gun. No amount of training in the world is going to turn me into a sharpshooter. I know you would offer to give me training and such, but really, it’s all I can do to keep up with the new math curriculum.

And even if I wanted one, I can’t imagine that my school board would allow me to keep a gun in my desk. For gawds sake, I’m not allowed to use Lysol wipes to clean the children’s desks because of the chemicals. Liquid Paper is a no-no because someone might try to sniff it. Even plastic knives in lunchboxes are taboo, because someone might accidentally cut their finger or god forbid, wave it around near another child.

Finally, I have no idea where I would keep a gun in my classroom. My desk is overflowing and my cabinets are full. I’d have to keep it well hidden, because these kids are like monkeys! They can get their hands on anything and I sure as hell don’t want them getting a hold of a loaded weapon. These kids are experts at Call of Duty IV.

I know you’ve offered to put one of your 4 million NRA members in our school and I thank you for your generous offer. But, no offense or anything, how do I know one of your well-armed men or women isn’t a raging lunatic under the surface? I mean, really…do you know ALL 4 million of these people personally?

There are crazy people everywhere who look and act just like you and me. Giving one of them a gun and inviting them into my school just doesn’t seem like a good idea.

So, thanks, Wayne, but I’ll pass. I’ll pass on the gun, just like I’ll pass on the bunker in case of a nuclear attack and the body armor to protect myself from a zombie apocalypse. Instead, I’ll support stricter gun control laws and increased mental health services. That should help keep the crazies out of my school and let me get back to my real job of teaching.

7 thoughts on “Dear Mr. Lapierre, VP of the NRA – I’m a teacher…so, where’s my gun?”

  1. Great post. Funny, with serious points. I honestly “lol”ed when you said you almost hit your grandfather’s cow. Not that I’m anti-cow, but because that would be me. I also would have landed on my butt from the recoil.

    It just isn’t practical to arm teachers. I’d rather see the money go into providing mental health services and other programs to prevent armed rampages in the first place.

    If arming oneself made the world a better place, why does the U.S. have so many shooting-related deaths. Because it doesn’t work.

    1. Thanks. My father was so disappointed that I could not and would not learn to hunt. The rest of the world was relieved. Near sightedness, combined with a lack of spatial awareness do not make a person a good marksman.

      1. Yeah, I have terrible hand eye coordination. I’m just lucky I can drive without causing mayhem. I stay away from guns, power tools, and sharp things.

  2. Yeah, I think I have to agree with you. Personally, I think a lot about what the guy from the NRA said was more band-aid solutions that ways to address the various problems. For sure we should restrict the guns and improve mental health, as those are what seemed to contribute towards the Newton Shooting and not arming the teachers.

  3. Wow. I just sat here and read all your posts. Even tho I said I dont have any time. lol Thanks for all the amazing reads, thoughts, and tears, Please keep up with the blogs and I will be sharing all the stories!

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