Pop Culture

“Merry Christmas! The shitter was full!” And other great lines from Christmas movies

Cousin Eddie - National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
Cousin Eddie – National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

During the Christmas holidays, there’s nothing better than spending a day in your jammies watching Christmas movies. Some of my favorites have the best lines…some are touching, some are sad, but most are hilarious. In no particular order, here are my favorites.

7. Elf  – In case you’ve been living in a cave for the past few years or you’re Amish and don’t own a television set, the premise of this hilarious movie involves a man named Buddy who has been raised by Poppa Elf in the North Pole. When he suddenly realizes he is actually human, he leaves Santa’s workshop in search of his “real” father, who lives in New York City. Needless to say, Buddy has a few difficulties fitting in. The movie works because Will Farrell plays Buddy like an innocent. He is Buddy, the wide-eyed elf. I love the whole movie but these are two of my favorite parts.

Buddy: We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup.

I love when Buddy realizes the department store Santa isn’t the real Santa.

Buddy: You stink. You smell like beef and cheese! You don’t smell like Santa…You sit on a throne of lies!

I also love when Buddy tells his new dad about his plans are for their first day together.

Buddy: First we’ll make snow angels for two hours, then we’ll go ice skating, then we’ll eat a whole roll of Tollhouse Cookie dough as fast as we can, and then we’ll snuggle. 

Will Farrell in Elf - enjoying the four food groups.
Will Farrell in Elf – enjoying the four food groups.

 

6. A Charlie Brown Christmas

Charles Shultz was the master of pulling at our heartstrings, while at the same time making us laugh. A Charlie Brown Christmas has endured since 1966 because we feel for Charlie Brown (well, that and the great jazz soundtrack and the funny lines…). One of my favorite parts is a small exchange between Lucy, the director of the play and Frieda, who hasn’t yet grasped the true meaning of the Christmas story.

Lucy: You’re the innkeeper’s wife.

Frieda: Did innkeeper’s wives have naturally curly hair?

Damn, I love Frieda. It’s all about the hair.

Frieda is the good looking redhead at the back. Check out her naturally curly hair.
Frieda is the good looking redhead at the back. Check out her naturally curly hair.

 

5. It’s a Wonderful Life

I’ll leave this one to Clarence, the angel who shows George what things would have been like if he had never been born.

Clarence: Strange, isn’t it? Each man’s life touches so many other lives. When he isn’t around he leaves an awful hole, doesn’t he?

Clarence's gift
Clarence’s gift

 

4. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation Best Christmas-themed rant EVER!  

Clark Griswold: [Once he realizes his much expected bonus is actually a jelly-of the-month-club membership] If this isn’t the biggest bag-over-the-head, punch-in-the-face I ever got, GOD DAMN IT! Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I’d like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where’s the Tylenol?

A membership to the Jelly-of-the-month Club will not pay off the pool Clark has promised.
A membership to the Jelly-of-the-month Club will not pay off the pool Clark has promised.

Check it out on youtube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQXuazYI_YU

 

3. The Polar Express This was a favorite book of mine before it became a movie. My father read it aloud to my boys for the first time when they were very young and when he was done, he shook a little bell he had hidden in his pocket. My boys’ eyes just about popped out of their heads.

 The Boy: At one time most of my friends could hear the bell. But as years passed, it fell silent for all of them. Even Sarah found, one Christmas, that she could no longer hear its sweet sound. Though I’ve grown old, the bell still rings for me… as it does for all who truly believe.

Can you hear the bell?
Can you hear the bell?

 

2. The Sound of MusicI realize that this is not, technically, a Christmas movie but they always air it at Christmas time, so I think it fits. Love, love, love this movie. I mean, really…how DO you solve a problem like Maria? Oh, Julie Andrews! I wanted to be you so badly. I still do. The world’s spunkiest nun with the voice of an angel. She even made me want to be a nun for awhile…of course, a nun who eventually marries a rich Captain…and without the seven children. This is a scene from the very beginning when Maria has been called to the Reverend Mother’s office for what she thinks is a reprimand.

Maria: I can’t seem to stop singing wherever I am. And what’s worse, I can’t seem to stop saying things – anything and everything I think and feel.

Mother Abbess: Some people would call that honesty.

Maria: Oh, but it’s terrible, Reverend Mother.

I hear ya, Maria. I have the exact same problem.

Let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start. When you read you begin with A-B-C, when you sing you begin with doe, rae, me.
Let’s start at the very beginning, a very good place to start. When you read you begin with A-B-C, when you sing you begin with doe, rae, me.

 

1. How the Grinch Stole Christmas

Dr. Seuss sums it all up.

Welcome, Christmas, bring your cheer. Cheer to all Whos far and near. Christmas Day is in our grasp, so long as we have hands to clasp. Christmas Day will always be just as long as we have we. Welcome Christmas while we stand, heart to heart, and hand in hand.

wahoo dorey, da who dorey, welcome, welcome Christmas cheer
wahoo dorey, da who dorey, welcome, welcome Christmas cheer

Feel free to share your favorite Christmas movies or movie quotes in the comments below. I’d love to hear them.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on ““Merry Christmas! The shitter was full!” And other great lines from Christmas movies”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s